Spiritual Idiots No Longer in the Dark
By Bud Cotterwize, Emergency Humor (Faux) News Bureau
ST GEORGE, Utah. Since placing the Complete Idiot's Guide to Biblical Mysteries on their newsstand, Harry's grocery store in St. George, Utah has been overrun by idiots clamoring for copies of the guide.
"The response has been far more than we expected," store manager and Mormon Edith Bean said. "We had no idea how many idiots shopped at our store, until we ran out of books. We've had to order more just to keep up with the demand."
When asked if she's read the book herself, Bean said she hasn't. "I did read the Complete Idiot's Guide to Mormonism," she said adding, "...but I didn't understand as much of it as I hoped."
The Idiot's Guide to Biblical Mysteries, which purports to explain biblical mysteries at a level that an idiot can understand, has been growing in popularity since its 2000 publish date. "Now that the mysteries of the Bible can be understood by any idiot," said Father Ronald McWinder, a Jesuit scholar, "religious leaders may as well pack their bags and pursue jobs in the food industry."
But a spokesman for the Southern Convention dismissed concerns that the book might reduce the number of idiots looking to them for spiritual direction. "We don't expect a decline in our membership," he explained. "We've been explaining the Bible to the idiots in our churches for years and they just keep coming back for more."
Jody Dimswitch, a member of American Atheists dismissed the recent surge in sales of the Complete Idiot's Guide to Biblical Mysteries stating, "Idiots have been reading and misinterpreting the Bible for 2000 years. What's newsworthy about that?" When informed that the Complete Idiot's Guide to Atheism will soon be available on West Coast newsstands, Dimswitch abruptly ended the phone interview.
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EH reporter Bud Cotterwize contributed this report from St. George.
