Emergency Baptism Kit

The Emergency Humor Emergency Baptism Kit is small, portable, and easy to use when every second counts. By following three easy steps, you can cleanse the nearly dead of a lifetime of hypocrisy and over-indulgent narcissism, and send their souls winging their way to an eternity of singing, harp playing, and streets of gold.

Kit includes instructions, three Souls' Saved punch cards (to track up to thirty emergency baptisms), and a you-fill water container (container style varies), and easy to carry holder.

Customer Testimonials (past and present)

"We've held off being baptized, until our fornicating, gambling, and lying days are behind us. Now, we can keep sinning right up to the point of death and know we can still have all our sins washed away. The Emergency Baptism Kit is exactly the salvation insurance we've been looking for! We carry one wherever we go.
--Completely normal couple who wish to remain anonymous

"One minute my uncle Mike was on vacation boating across Lake Meade, and the next his boat was cut in half by a speed boat. Thank goodness the speedboat owner was carrying an Emergency Baptism Kit or Uncle Mike's next stop might have been everlasting damnation."
--Kid that survived boat crash

"My friend Lazarus was working his butt off at the gym without a care in the world, when his heart just stopped. If he hadn't been carrying an Emergency Baptism Kit he'd be spending eternity pushing weights in hell instead of heaven. Thanks!
--Buddy with a healthy heart